The Forbidden Love

Based on the Friday’s Khutbah 23rd May 2008 in Masjid Jamek, Kuala Lumpur

A’uzubillahi minashaitanirrajim

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

To Him is all praises and only Him do we glorify.

Selawat and salam to our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) whom is the source of light and the rahmat to all creation and all universe.

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

“Obey Allah and obey His Rasul; and the leaders among you”

Without obeying Him, we are nothing. Our physical body is too small compared to other creation of His, like the mountains, the sun, the moon, the galaxies. Yet, Allah has honoured us with many good characters. Among the many good characters is L.O.V.E.

Love is complex and not easy to describe in one word. Allah has created us and bestowed upon us His kindness and blessed us with the feeling of LOVE. From His mercy oceans He has given human beings that feeling of love that helps us to live in harmony, create strong bond between people, strengthen relationship and continue to promote healthy families. However, forbidden love will led us astray and fall into the trap of evil.

As definition of love is complex, a reference taken from Wikipedia may assist us to understand the glimpse of it:

Love represents a range of human emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction.[1] The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

…. from Wikipedia.

Now that we have understood a little bit about love, let’s take a look at what do human beings love. Allah swt mentioned in the Holy Quran:

“Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons: heaped up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world’s life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (to return to)”

Surah Al ‘Imran 14

In this verse, the creator mentioned that men love women. And subsequently their sons. Then men love wealth and richness from gold and silver (financially rich). Then men love horses. Horses of excellent breed and strong and able to run fast, for example, the Stallion). For this zaman, that would be equivalent to branded cars or motorcycles (Mercedes, BMW, Ferrari, Porsche, Harley Davidson etc). Then men love the wealth from cattle and wealth from plantation (acres and acres of palm oil, for example. The land will produce richness to him).

All of these:

  1. women and sons
  2. Strong financials
  3. Good cars
  4. Wealth from cattle
  5. Wealth from land

are all worldly possessions. Some men have made the above as their objective/goals in this live. These are not HARAM nor are they WAJIB. Neither they are Makruh nor Sunnah. It would depend on one intention (niat). Certainly these are not the best of goals/objective. The best goal is in the nearness to Allah.

To protect human beings from the trap of evil, Allah has warned us with the following verses:

“Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)”

Al ISra’ 32

In another verse, Allah forbid human beings to be ‘gay’ as what the kaum of Nabi Lut did.

“We also (sent) Lut: He said to his people: “do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you?”

‘For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds.”

Al A’raf 80-81

When Allah created human beings, there is no slightest intention on His part to torture human beings. Nor Allah like to see His creation to be in darkness. The reason for the creation of human beings is for us to seek for the Hidden Treasures. We are to seek for the Hidden Treasures as Allah have mentioned it in a Hadith Qudsi: “I am a Hidden Treasure, and I like to be known”.

In the journey to find the Hidden Treasure, Allah has sent down guidance to guide human beings to the right path.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”

Ar Ruum 21

You see, Allah has created us in pairs and it is upon us to ask for His Favour and grant us with good spouse. Human beings are not created to live alone. We are created to live the journey of live as what Allah has destined us to be. Therefore, please read lots of bismillah and read lots of selawat and make sincere do’a to Him so that He grant us with the excellent spouse.

Say:” If ye do love Allah, follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”

Ali Imran 31

Dear friends,

The question now arises, when can we start to love our spouse/pair? When can men start to love women? When can women start to love men?

Well, Allah has created human beings with ‘akal’ – ability to think; ability to differentiate between good and bad; ability to understand, ability to make good judgement.

Men and women with sincere heart, will feel guilty when doing something bad. Subconsciously, we are not comfortable when we do bad thing. Deep in our heart, we will feel bad.

Similarly, when we do good thing, we will also feel good. We will be happy and our heart will open up and if Allah want, He will grant us with more knowledge (ilham).

Love to the opposite sex can begin in these 3 timelines:

  1. Before marriage (school days, university life, working life)
  2. During engagement (bertunang)
  3. After marriage

For the first one, it is FORBIDDEN. There is no way men should love women UNLESS with the intent to get married real soon. When a man and a woman sits together in a secluded area, then shaitan is the third person. Shaitan will set his trap and do his job.

For the second one, this is period for the man and woman to know each other better while waiting for the time to get married. It may last between 1 week to may be 1 year, wallahualam. Nevertheless, engagement is not a passport to behave like husband and wife. It does not also allow us to be together in seclusion (khalwat), nor does it allows us to walk together with holding hands. This period is important for this is the period when that person has ‘booked’ the other person as his/her potential spouse to get married with. During this period, Islam do not allow other people to offer/propose for engagement/married to any of that pair. Other person can offer/propose for marriage ONLY AFTER the engagement of that person is broken. So, it is some kind of a period where the pair will try to understand each other and see whether they could have a long lasting marriage in the future.

Some traditions do encourage engagement period, while some traditions have no period called engagement. The Malays make it a special occasion for this. They called it ‘Bertunang’.

Love after getting married, ie after nikah; during the marriage life, is the best. This is what enjoined by Islam. Our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) is a great man. He is a man full of wisdom. He has gone through his teenage life and through his manhood with full respect to women and never did he undermine or disrespectful to women. He was married at the age of 25 and then only his love starts to his beloved wife Sayidatina Khadijah. He took care of her and Sayidatina Khadijah felt being so deep in love. Never did she feel more love than this. Wallahualam.

In conclusion, we must take care of what Allah has given us. He has honoured human beings and He has blessed human beings with good attributes or good characters. One of the characteristic of human being is to love and to be loved. Let’s take good care of our love and put it in the right perspective.

What is good is from Him and what is bad is from my shortcomings. Please forgive me. Al Fatihah.

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